I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
