nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
