I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
