eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
