im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
