garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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