Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
