The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
it hurts more in the daytime
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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