When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
