Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
