On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
