I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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