Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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