He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I love you.
Bad choice
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
