My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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