I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
