she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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