I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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