I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
