How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
