Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I will pee on everything he values.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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