nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
