people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
