Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
