Just cropdusted the office
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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