I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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