you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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