Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
