Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
the liver wants what the liver wants
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
