9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
