I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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