Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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