Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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