I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Who died my cat blue again?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
