Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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