got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
