FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
