Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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