I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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