Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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