with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
