I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
