No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have already put on my inside pants.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
