is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
