so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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