Yo dont text me then not text me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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