i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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