Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
