Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
