I'm jealous of your bromance
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
