i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
