i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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