people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
