Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
