Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
