Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
