i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
