My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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